That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
