No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
