I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
