Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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