i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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