She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize