Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize