I'm really into asian looking animals
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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