i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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