I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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