I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
