This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize