Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
