i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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