I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
