I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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