you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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