Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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