I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just gift wrapped bread.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drake has all the answers
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize