I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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