im six kinds of drunk right now
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
