Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
