Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
