swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
