trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sober January is a disaster.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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