I'm gonna have a badass scar
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
