Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
smell my finger.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
