I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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