i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
