you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
