At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
