people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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