nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
