I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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