she woke up with a sticky ear
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
