cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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