i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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