went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
