why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
