Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
