I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
zippers are such a cool invention
and i looked up. we had an audience...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
