you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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