Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
