Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
