I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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