we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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