Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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