So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
