I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Banned from zoo.
Again?
handjob tips. give me some.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
