can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
