remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
