Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I touched a dick in church today
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
