i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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