I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
