No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
