He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
