yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
