I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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