I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The air was thick with penises
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
