i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
