I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
