if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
