Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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