Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
